Perimenopause is that stage in life when many of us begin to feel a natural pull towards being our true selves. But what exactly is authenticity, and why is it crucial during this period? You've probably heard people say, "I don't want to put up with all this nonsense anymore," or "I'm tired of being taken for granted, and that's not even who I am!" I often hear these sentiments from my patients at My Menopause Clinic, and I can certainly relate. So, what is authenticity, and why do we start yearning for it as we enter the third stage of our lives? How does our body's wisdom demand this powerful tool to preserve and enhance our mental health? Let's delve into authenticity!

In today's fast-paced world, chronic stress has become a constant companion. Stress can quickly overwhelm us if we lack effective coping mechanisms, whether it's work pressures, hormonal fluctuations, relationship challenges, financial concerns, or personal expectations. The external world, fuelled by the pressures of social media, bombards us with messages about how to be the most desirable, perfect, productive, and successful versions of ourselves to stay accepted in various groups – family, friends, the workplace, and more. The fear of exclusion is a growing concern for people of all generations, and women going through perimenopause are particularly vulnerable to this pressure due to their hormonal changes and aging.

Understanding Authenticity

Authenticity is a complex concept that can be challenging to define precisely. Essentially, it often means staying true to yourself, embracing your individuality, and living in harmony with your values and beliefs. This contrasts with putting on a facade or pretending to be someone you're not, which can increase stress and impact mental health.

One way to look at authenticity is that we all wear different masks throughout our lives, depending on our roles. For instance, many women adjust their authentic selves to meet the needs of their families and children. This raises a profound question: Is this act driven by authenticity or societal pressures? Additionally, some women may modify their authentic selves to better fit new professional roles. Is this a new form of authenticity, or is it simply a temporary adjustment to fulfil the requirements of their new roles? Do we maintain our authentic core while adopting the new roles or lose them? These debates are not the topic of this blog, but they are something to bear in mind when considering authenticity.

Due to societal pressures and the influence of cultural norms, many individuals, especially women, may gradually lose touch with their authentic selves as they conform to social expectations. In perimenopause, various factors make the desire to reconnect with our inner selves palpable and almost urgent. We feel the need to establish a unique identity and regain our footing in the world, seeking balance and centeredness. 

Humans are intricate beings living in complex systems, fulfilling various roles throughout their lives. Does this complexity make authenticity an unattainable goal for most people in this modern age compared to centuries ago? Not at all. Authenticity is a complex concept, but it's essential to good mental and general health. This blog will focus on the interplay between authenticity and the hormonal transition experienced during perimenopause.

Authenticity involves self-awareness and self-acceptance – recognising your strengths, weaknesses, and imperfections while valuing and accepting yourself. For a more practical perspective, we'll use Rick Hanson's three-step model:

1.   Acknowledge your feelings: Ask yourself if there are important feelings that expressing would benefit you and others. Start by exploring your body sensations and consider how appropriate it would be to express these feelings in various situations.

2. Acknowledge your needs: Ask yourself: “Are there unmet needs that would serve me better if they get expressed?” To define needs, sometimes it's good to ask yourself what your three most important values guide you through life.

3.   Acknowledge your aspirations: Explore your longings and visions that you haven't pursued yet, akin to your most important life goal that has remained constant throughout your life.

Spend some time pondering these questions if you're interested in exploring authenticity.

The Connection between Authenticity and Mental Health

1.   Reduces the Burden of Pretence: Authenticity frees you from the exhausting burden of pretending to be someone you're not. While we all play specific roles in our lives, losing touch with our authentic selves can lead to mental and emotional exhaustion. Reclaiming your true self can channel your energy into positive endeavours, promoting good mental health.

2.   Enhances Self-Esteem: Embracing authenticity boosts self-esteem and self-worth. Expressing your authentic self helps you value your true self and reduces the impact of external criticism and societal pressures, making you more resilient to stressors.

3.   Strengthens Emotional Resilience: Authenticity fosters emotional resilience by allowing you to acknowledge your feelings and experiences without judgment, equipping you to better cope with life's challenges.

4.   Fosters Meaningful Connections: Being authentic attracts people who appreciate and support your true self, resulting in genuine connections that form a strong support network, essential for managing stress and living purposefully.

Building Authenticity for Resilience

1.   Self-Reflection: Start by reflecting on your values, beliefs, and areas of your life where you can make changes to align more closely with your authentic self.

2.   Embrace Vulnerability: Authenticity requires vulnerability – sharing your thoughts and feelings with others. Embrace vulnerability as a strength that leads to deeper connections and emotional resilience, beginning with safe, trusted individuals.

3.   Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect your authenticity. Learn to say no when necessary and prioritise self-care to maintain your mental and emotional well-being.

4.   Practice Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness techniques like meditation and deep breathing to stay connected with your authentic self, grounding yourself in the present moment and reducing stress.

5.   Seek Support: Don't hesitate to seek guidance from a therapist or health coach. Reclaiming authenticity can be a complex journey, and seeking professional help is a sign of self-care rather than weakness.

Redefining authenticity is a potent tool for building resilience, effectively managing stress, and living a healthy life of purpose and meaning. By embracing your true self, you can reduce the negative impact of stress on your mental health and cultivate a greater sense of well-being. Remember that authenticity is a journey, not the destination, and taking small steps toward being more genuine in your everyday life is perfectly acceptable. This journey begins at birth but gets interrupted often due to changing life circumstances and growing social expectations and pressures. Start practising and redefining your authentic self, beginning with small steps with safe and trusted individuals. Seeking professional help can be immensely beneficial in this quest.

References;

Brené Brown's book 'The Gifts of Imperfection” explores the concept of authenticity and its impact on mental health.

Rick Hanson’s books "Hardwiring Happiness" and "Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness." explore some of the concepts of authenticity and its impact on mental health and well-being.

Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book "Wherever You Go, There You Are” is one of the well-known books on mindfulness-based stress reduction.