The transition to menopause, known as perimenopause, is a time of profound hormonal instability that often triggers emotional dysregulation, burnout, and even more serious mental health issues. Many women report mood swings, heightened anxiety, or depression during this stage, driven by the fluctuating levels of estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone.

If lifestyle factors—such as diet, substance use, exercise, sleep, and stress management—are neglected during this time, and often are, these hormonal changes can exacerbate symptoms, making the perimenopausal transition particularly distressing. Additionally, underlying health conditions or chronic inflammation can intensify the emotional and physical challenges women face.

For many, this phase of life is compounded by significant stressors. Juggling the needs of children, partners, aging parents, and professional responsibilities often leaves little room for women to care for themselves. The cumulative burden of these demands can push some to the brink of emotional and physical burnout.

Emotional Dysregulation and the Role of Emotional Awareness

Most people, regardless of gender, are not formally taught emotional language and regulation. As a result, they may struggle to recognise or respond to their emotions in a healthy way. Some might suppress their feelings to avoid burdening others, while others might express them in overwhelming or inappropriate ways. Neither approach allows emotions to serve their true purpose.

As Karla McLaren explains in The Art of Emotions, and Antonio Damasio’s definition of emotions supports this; Emotions are reliable, action-requiring neurological programs that guide us. They provide vital information about our needs and how to respond to challenges.

When midlife hormonal changes disrupt neurological homeostasis, they often cause mood disorders, anxiety, or depression. These disruptions are not a sign of personal weakness but rather a predictable response to the biological upheaval of this life stage.

Learning to Channel Emotions

Rather than repressing or inappropriately expressing emotions, McLaren advocates for channelling emotions. Channelling emotions involves:

• Recognising and naming your emotions.

• Regulating emotions by simultaneously considering both your needs and those of others.

• Engaging with empathy means understanding your emotions as well as the emotions of those around you and responding from an emotional intelligence perspective.

These skills are crucial during perimenopause and can be developed with practice, providing a pathway to greater emotional resilience.

The First Step: Understanding Your Emotional Needs

In my practice, I see many midlife women navigating the hormonal shifts of perimenopause without the tools and the map to recognise or respond to their emotional needs. Instead, they often prioritise the needs of others—children, partners, aging parents, colleagues—until they reach a point of emotional and physical burnout.

A critical first step in managing stress and improving emotional health during perimenopause is slowing down and reconnecting with your inner world. This process involves learning to listen to and interpret your emotional language from a fresh perspective.

The RAIN Technique: A Practical Tool for Emotional Regulation

Tara Brach’s RAIN acronym provides a simple yet profound framework for navigating emotions:

1. Recognise the emotions you’re experiencing.

2. Allow these emotions to unfold and exist without judgment or resistance.

3. Investigate their origins—what message are they trying to convey to you to help you?

4. Nurture and attend to your emotions by addressing their underlying needs with kindness and care for yourself and others.

Using the RAIN technique allows you to pause and reflect, creating the space necessary for emotional understanding and balance.

Seeking Support

Perimenopause can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to navigate this transition alone. A skilled psychologist, health coach, or somatic therapist can help you build emotional regulation skills and reclaim balance during this phase of life.

Learning emotional granularity—recognizing, naming, and responding to your emotions—offers a way to transform this period of hormonal change into an opportunity for growth. You can move through perimenopause with greater clarity, empathy, and resilience by tuning into your emotions and taking steps to channel them effectively.